I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
