oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
