I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize