i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
