But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
