But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
