how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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