if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
