she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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