Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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