So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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