I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize