I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
