Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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