was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
