I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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