woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
