guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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