I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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