alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
