Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
