so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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