So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
