it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
