It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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