Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
