I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
