Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
