I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you win again, gameday.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
