My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
