i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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