11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
