somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
