She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize