My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize