ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
