It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
