I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
