A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize