I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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