let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize