dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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