This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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