I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
