This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
