So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
