And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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