No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
