i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
