i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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