Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
