This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
