what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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