Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
