so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize