Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
