The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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