Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just googled if crying burns calories
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
