Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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