did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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