Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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