If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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