Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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