That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
