I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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