You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
