Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
