on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
