Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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