Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
