How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
