i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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