Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
