He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
